How To Build Self-Confidence
And Meet Your Mate

By Alan B. Densky, CH

Have you ever met someone that you were just dying to ask out? You thought this person was absolutely perfect in every way. When this person smiled at you, your heart just soared. But you were scared to death to ask him or her for a date, and so you never did. Do you still wonder at times how your life might have been different if you had only had the courage to ask? 

If you're starting to fall into a pattern of dating girls (or guys) who won't reject you – just because they won't reject you, and not because you like them, you're cheating yourself and them as well. You're kidding yourself if that person doesn't know whether you are dating him/her because of a mutual attraction, or because you just want a date. This isn't fair to you – or them. 

Aren't you tired of feeling that way? Wouldn't you like to go out with someone you really like and just have a good time without being afraid of messing it up? People who are ready to improve their self-confidence levels can have this success – without spending their entire lives wishing they had asked Mr. or Miss Right for a date. They become confident, and they know that they have what it takes to succeed in the dating world. Would you like to know what it takes to succeed? 

Aren't you tired of feeling that way? Wouldn't you like to go out with someone you really like and just have a good time without being afraid of messing it up? People who are ready to improve their self-confidence levels can have this success – without spending their entire lives wishing they had asked Mr. or Miss Right for a date. They become confident, and they know that they have what it takes to succeed in the dating world. Would you like to know what it takes to succeed? 

Self-confidence is being able to believe in yourself and your individual strengths and talents. This is part of positive self-image, and is important for success. If you don't understand how to gain self-confidence, you won't be successful in your relationships, or your life in general. This problem will prevent you from taking control of past problems and building your future. 

Self-confident people have faith in themselves and can accomplish their goals. They focus on achievement, know how to learn from past mistakes, and can use those mistakes to their advantage. They know that a weakness doesn't make them a failure. Instead, they understand how to find the cause of their problems and avoid allowing themselves to fall into the same traps over and over. 

Many things cause a lack of self-confidence. Often, people become paralyzed by fear, hypnotizing themselves into a pattern of failures and fear of failures that lead to a lack of self-confidence. This hypnotic pattern may be the result of a rejection or feared rejection in a dating relationship.

People try all kinds of methods to boost self-confidence. They pay professional counselors huge hourly fees to sit and tell them how to become more self-confident. Some counselors use behavioral therapy to help people boost self-confidence. They teach their clients to boost self-confidence by setting goals. For example, they may learn how to shake hands firmly with another person. 

Usually, a person's success in these types of therapies is measured by the completion of a series of tasks that start with simple ones, and then proceed to more difficult tasks. This may help people to learn behaviors linked with self-confidence, but does not change people's self-concepts or help them fix the underlying problem that caused the negative self-image. 

Positive self-talk is another method of boosting self-confidence. Psychology classes teach about self-fulfilling prophecies. People are most likely to accomplish only what they think they can accomplish. Therefore, if people only see themselves as failures or low achievers, this is what they will become. However, if persons see themselves as high achievers who can succeed, they will achieve this goal too! 

Hypnosis also helps people in building self-confidence. Through the same type of self-hypnosis with which people learn to fail, they can learn to become successful. They learn positive words and ideas that allow them to feel more self-confident and accept strong behavioral suggestions. Traditional hypnotherapy (direct post-hypnotic suggestions) is very effective - unless you are the type of person who prefers logic or critical thinking. If you are, traditional hypnosis will likely not be very successful for you. 

Ericksonian Hypnotherapy is better suited to people with an analytical personality. The suggestions are buried or hidden within conversation or metaphors, so it is very difficult to throw up conscious blocks to the suggestions.

A newer, alternative treatment that can be used to encourage self-confidence is Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). This original treatment can even use thoughts that cause low self-esteem to trigger thoughts that will create self-confidence! 

NLP can help people to relate the feelings from past memories of achievement to the here and now. By using a method called anchoring, people can be helped to find past memories of positive self-confidence, and anchor those moments to the present. When that person needs a boost, he or she simply triggers that anchor to draw upon strengths formed through past experiences to be successful in the present. 

NLP is uniquely easy and yet powerfully effective. People don't have to remember the pain of past problems or schedule long counseling appointments to regain their self-confidence. NLP alone works for almost everyone who approaches it properly. Most clients who have tried NLP gain self-confidence very soon after starting the treatment. 

Summary: A negative self-concept can prevent people from becoming successful and keep them from making their dreams come true. Many treatments are available to help people improve their self-confidence. My experience indicates that the most successful intervention is Neuro-Linguistic Programming, which helps a person to use the same thought processes that are creating a problem, to eliminate it.

 

© 2007By Alan B. Densky, CH.  This document may NOT be re-printed without permission. All Rights Reserved.  We are happy to syndicate our articles to approved websites.